Living with or near an alcoholic parent can be one of the most challenging experiences a person may face.
It may be a teenager who is trying to make it through the day – knowing that a parent is waiting at home in a drunken stupor. Or it may be an adult who has to constantly worry about their parent’s well-being and safety.
No matter the age, the impact of alcohol addiction runs deep – and can affect nearly every aspect of your relationship and well-being.
In the United States alone, more than 28.9 million people battle alcohol use disorder – and behind that staggering statistic are the countless children and adult children who face the challenge of daily life with a parent with alcoholism. Each story is unique, but the feelings of confusion, frustration, and hope for change are shared by all.
To help you better navigate life with an alcoholic parent, let’s break down some of the top tips that may help ease the burden:
- Knowing how alcoholism and alcohol abuse can impact family dynamics
- Developing healthy coping strategies that work in real-life situations
- Setting and maintaining boundaries that protect your mental health
- Taking care of yourself while you seek treatment for an alcoholic parent
Seeking help and information isn’t just brave – it’s a key step in taking care of yourself and those who may be struggling with alcoholism or alcohol use disorder.
How Does Alcoholism Impact Families?
Alcoholism is more than just frequent drinking or making poor choices – it’s a complex disease that affects both the person drinking as well as everyone around them.
Medical professionals classify alcoholism as a chronic disease that actually changes how the brain works, affecting a person’s ability to control their drinking – even when there are serious consequences to their health, work, and personal relationships.
When a parent struggles with alcoholism, the entire family dynamic shifts to adapt to the unpredictability of the situation. You may recognize some of these patterns in your own life:
- Family roles become blurred or reversed – with children often taking on parent-like responsibilities
- Daily routines can become unpredictable, making it difficult to plan ahead or feel secure
- Communication patterns can become strained, and family may feel that they are “walking on eggshells” to avoid conflict
- Financial stability and trust are eroded as alcohol-related problems pile up
In severe cases, alcohol addiction can lead to physical abuse or danger to one’s own physical health. When a parent’s behavior becomes dangerous to others – especially their children – it’s important to begin exploring treatment options to help them reduce and quit drinking.
Practical Ways To Cope When Your Parent Has An Alcohol Problem
Living with and maintaining a relationship with an alcoholic parent can require a careful balance of self-protection and compassionate care. Those with an alcoholic parent can face low self esteem, higher rates of anxiety, and even mental health struggles of their own.
While each situation is unique, some coping skills may help you maintain your emotional well-being while figuring out a new way of life.
As with any difficulty, working hand-in-hand with a trained professional such as a counselor or addiction specialist can help you determine the best way to deal with an alcoholic parent. If you find yourself or someone you love in danger, contact the proper authorities immediately to seek help.
Focus On What You Can Control
One of the most powerful shifts you can make is to redirect your energy toward aspects of your life that you can control. Your parent’s drinking is not one of those aspects – as much as you may wish you could control it.
This can mean developing new routines to protect your peace – such as starting your day with meditation, finding a supportive group of friends, or focusing on your own goals and ambitions. There is power in shifting your focus to parts of your life that you have more direct control over – and this isn’t a selfish ambition!
Practice Emotional Self-Care
Understanding and managing your responses to a parent with alcoholism is key. When you feel overwhelmed or anxious, remember that your feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s.
Take the necessary time to process your feelings – whether that’s with a trusted counselor or therapist or with a supportive group of family or friends. It’s always okay to step back when you need space.
Build A Support Network
One of the most powerful tools for individuals living with an alcoholic parent is a group of supportive friends and family members. Isolation can actually make coping more difficult – and knowing that you have a trusted person to share your feelings with can help you manage your days more easily.
Think of who you could invite into your trusted “inner circle,” such as:
- A trusted friend who understands your daily struggles and can lend an ear
- A counselor or therapist with experience in family addiction
- Support groups such as AA or Adult Children of Alcoholics
- Other family members who understand your situation personally
Set Realistic Expectations
Recovery from any addiction is a journey – and you will likely see setbacks along the way. As a child of an alcoholic parent, you will likely experience those same impacts in your own way.
Accept that you can’t force your parent to change and that their path to recovery (if they choose it) is their responsibility. Your role isn’t to fix them but rather to “put on your own oxygen mask” before attempting to help them as well.
Coping doesn’t mean you have to accept harmful behavior or sacrifice your own well-being. It means finding ways to protect your peace while navigating a very difficult situation.
How To Help Your Parent With Their Alcohol Use
While you can’t force a parent to change their behavior with alcohol, there are steps you can take to support them toward and during recovery. Once you have built a foundation of support for yourself, take the time to determine the best starting place for a conversation about recovery.
Having Productive Conversations About Drinking
Choose moments when your parent is sober and relatively calm to express your concerns. Approach these conversations with compassion rather than accusation – using “I” statements to show how their drinking impacts you and others in your life.
- “I worry about your health when you drink.”
- “I miss having time together without drinking involved.”
This approach is far more likely to open a door to further conversation rather than being seen as direct criticism of demands.
Support Their Journey to Recovery from Alcohol Addiction
When your parent begins to show interest in potentially getting help, be ready to offer concrete support to the best of your ability. There are a variety of recovery resources available, including:
- Local counseling and family therapy options for addiction
- Rehab services and centers in your area specializing in addiction treatment
- Local al anon family groups and other support groups
When to Seek Professional Help
There are times when situations arise that may require more than you can offer as a child. Recognizing when it may be time to bring in professional help may be necessary for everyone’s safety and well-being.
If you notice any of these critical warning signs, it’s time to contact professional help:
- Physical aggression or threats of violence
- Severe withdrawal symptoms such as tremors or seizures
- Signs of alcohol poisoning
- Suicidal ideations or statements
- Drunk driving or other dangerous behaviors
Stepping into these moments may be difficult, but your unique relationship with your parent may be the exact thing needed to prevent a tragic outcome. Don’t be afraid to seek the help of a trained professional alongside a support group to help you manage these moments.
Resources For Children of Adults with Alcoholism
24/7 Crisis Support
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 800-662-4357
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988
- United Recovery Project Helpline: 888-960-5121
In-Person & Virtual Support
- Al-Anon Family Groups: Find local meetings for anyone affected by someone else’s drinking
- Alateen: Specifically for teens and young adults
- Adult Children of Alcoholics: Support for those who grew up with alcoholic parents
Educational Materials
Don’t Be Afraid To Seek Help For Your Family Members
If you suspect your loved one has a substance abuse problem or addiction, please reach out for help. Our counselors at United Recovery Project are waiting and are ready to help you. Alcoholism is a disease, but with the right treatment, it can be cured.
No matter how long your parent has had a drinking problem or how old they are, help is out there! We recommend you converse with one of our caring representatives today for our top-tier services. We recognize your discomfort and want to assist accordingly!
FAQ
How do I talk to my parent about their drinking?
Choosing a moment when your parent is sober and calm to have this conversation is important. Focus on approaching the conversation compassionately, and use “I” statements to help guide the talk. Speak of specific behaviors and how they impact your life and relationship.
What if my alcoholic parent refuses help?
It’s key to accept that you cannot force anyone to change if they are unwilling to take the step to change themselves. Set clear boundaries about what behavior you will and won’t accept – while keeping the door open for when they might be ready for help.
Can I still have a relationship with my alcoholic parent?
Yes, but it requires establishing healthy boundaries and realistic expectations. Focus on what feels safe and comfortable for you, and be clear about your limits – like not spending time together when they’re drinking.
How do I stop feeling guilty about my parent’s drinking?
Remember that you are not responsible for your parent’s choice to drink or their behavior while drinking. Focus on your own healing and well-being, understanding that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary.
Will my parent ever change?
While recovery is always possible, focusing on what you can control is important rather than waiting for your parent to change. Take care of your mental and emotional health, and live your life fully regardless of their choices.
