When a loved one struggles with addiction, it’s common to put a lot of focus on the individual and what they’re going through. After all, you want to support them in getting the help they need to recover.
However, addiction doesn’t just impact the individual. It can affect the whole family. Therefore, it’s important to consider the thoughts and emotions of everyone involved. Plus, the family can play a key role in the recovery process.
Education is a good idea so family members understand their role in recovery. This article will outline the impact of family roles in addiction and how to work toward building positive roles for everyone involved that support an environment of healing. Plus, we’ll share resources that can help along the way.
The Different Types of Family Roles in Addiction
First, let’s discuss the different types of roles family members might play in addiction to get a better understanding of how everyone involved can respond to the situation differently.
The Enabler
The enabler is someone who doesn’t create necessary boundaries with the person struggling with addiction. They might make excuses for their behaviors or even deny that their loved one has an addiction at all.
When you care about someone, it’s a natural reaction to want to deny that something’s wrong. You hope for the best for them. However, continually denying makes the issue worse as the addiction goes on longer. It only masks the issue rather than encouraging the addicted family member to get help.
The Hero
The family hero will feel that setting goals or going out of their way to do helpful things will improve the situation. It’s natural to feel the need to take charge in this situation or even put the family’s needs ahead of your own.
However, heroes carry a lot of weight on their shoulders and experience a lot of stress trying to make everything better. That leads them to feel burnt out or eventually break down when they can’t deal with all the stress anymore.
It’s important to remember that you can’t do everything. Everyone should pitch in, and especially the person struggling with addiction needs to make a commitment of their own to work on recovery and maintaining sobriety.
The Scapegoat
The scapegoat tends to take a lot of blame for the family’s issues. Scapegoats might even blame themselves in an effort to make other family members feel better or feel like they’re at fault for their loved one’s addiction happening in the first place.
However, as they take on more and more blame, it’s common for scapegoats to begin feeling angry or avoid the situation altogether. Therefore, it’s important for everyone in the family to make sure they aren’t blaming each other. Ensure everyone involved feels heard and loved and knows what’s happening isn’t their fault.
The Mascot
The mascot uses humor to resolve tension or drama in the family. They might try to make light of situations to prevent other family members from feeling bad or to avoid dealing with the negative emotions they’re experiencing themselves.
While mascots use humor as a defense mechanism, they still feel negative emotions deep down. Therefore, it’s important for other family members to be there for them or for mascots to seek resources where they can open up, such as therapy or support groups.
The Lost Child
The lost child is someone who isn’t as involved in family relationships or might not be getting as much attention during a time when a loved one is struggling with addiction.
This is especially common in younger kids who often feel isolated during these situations or may have trauma from seeing how addiction is affecting their family member, especially if it’s a parent. The behavior or actions of addicted family members can also cause a lot of trauma for many involved in the situation.
Impact of Addiction on Each Role
Now that you know about each role, let’s dive a bit deeper into the potential impacts that addiction can have on each type of family member.
- The enabler: As the enabler, it’s common for the addicted family member to get used to you covering up for them. They might even start asking you for help more often or lash out when you don’t want to help them anymore. This often creates a divide between family members that must be healed.
- The hero: The stress heroes start to feel can make it more likely that they develop an anxiety disorder or experience burnout that affects other parts of their lives. They might start neglecting things like work, school, or personal well-being to focus more on the family.
- The scapegoat: It’s common for scapegoats to deal with a lot of guilt, loneliness, neglect, or anger due to the effects of addiction in the family, especially when they take the blame for things. As things get worse, they might even start to rebel to divert attention away from the person who is addicted.
- The mascot: Mascots often experience many underlying feelings that are hard to process, such as embarrassment, shame, or anger. If those feelings aren’t dealt with properly, it can lead to worsening mental health, self-esteem, or bad personal habits that cause long-term issues.
- The lost child: Someone who is the lost child often experiences worsening effects of trauma and neglect later in life. It’s common for them to struggle with relationships, mental health, or have low self-esteem.
Many studies show that addiction can have long-lasting effects on family members, especially children. Parents with a substance use disorder are three times more likely to abuse their child or cause significant trauma. Plus, children who have a parent with an addiction are more likely to struggle with substance abuse themselves later in life.
The Cycle of Enabling
A lot of research shows that when a family member is struggling with addiction, it’s common to try to seek homeostasis (stability and equilibrium) through enabling.
Family members try to cover things up or deny their loved one’s addiction since it feels better in the short term. However, the addiction actually keeps progressively getting worse. This is known as the cycle of enabling.
The danger of enabling is that the addiction extends longer, meaning the person struggling grows a larger dependence on the substance and has an increased risk of side effects, long-term health problems, or risky behaviors that lead to legal problems, financial problems, or injury.
Therefore, early intervention is important with addiction, and it’s the right thing to do when you care about your family member.
Positive Roles in Recovery
Everyone in the family can work toward building positive roles in the recovery process. Here are some tips that can help:
- It’s good to be encouraging to the family member struggling with a substance use disorder, but make sure you hold them accountable to making positive choices.
- Attend individual or family therapy. Family therapy can help you find ways to work well together as a unit, while individual therapy gives members time to open up and deal with their personal feelings.
- Go to support group meetings. Just like 12-step programs can help those struggling with addiction, there are also groups for family members. Al-Anon, Alateen, Nar-Anon, Families Anonymous, and Parents of Addicted Loved Ones are all great support group options.
- Learn more about addiction. Many addiction treatment centers can provide family members with resources to learn how they can support their loved ones when they return home from rehab.
Conclusion
Addiction affects the whole family. Therefore, it’s important to understand the thoughts and emotions of everyone involved.
Fortunately, many resources are available to help both those struggling with substance abuse and the entire family unit. That way, everyone can process difficult emotions and create a successful environment that facilitates recovery.
If you or someone you care about is experiencing signs of addiction, our knowledgeable treatment professionals can help. We offer medical detox and residential treatment programs tailored to your needs that can help you get on the right track toward recovery. Contact us today to learn more.
References
- Sedlak, Andrea. Special Studies and Strategic Planning: National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect a History of the National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect. 2001. https://www.keanelaw.com/library/NIS_History___Hx_of_National_Incidence_Study_of_Child_Abuse_2001.pdf
- Solis, Jessica M, et al. “Understanding the Diverse Needs of Children Whose Parents Abuse Substances.” Current Drug Abuse Reviews, vol. 5, no. 2, 2012, pp. 135–47, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3676900/.
- Lander, Laura, et al. “The Impact of Substance Use Disorders on Families and Children: From Theory to Practice.” Social Work in Public Health, vol. 28, no. 3-4, 27 July 2019, pp. 194–205, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3725219/, https://doi.org/10.1080/19371918.2013.759005.
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US). “EARLY INTERVENTION, TREATMENT, and MANAGEMENT of SUBSTANCE USE DISORDERS.” gov, US Department of Health and Human Services, Nov. 2019, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK424859/.
